1
00:00:57,500 --> 00:01:00,580
Well, Mrs Miggins, it's finally back to normal.

2
00:01:00,780 --> 00:01:05,460
The rallies are over, the flags no longer fly,
and all this hysteria is over.

3
00:01:05,660 --> 00:01:08,900
After the chaos of the general election,
back to normal.

4
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,860
Was there a general election, Mr Blackadder?

5
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:15,340
- Yes, there was, Mrs Miggins.
- Well, I haven't heard of it.

6
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:18,260
- But of course - you don't have the right to vote.
- And why?

7
00:01:18,460 --> 00:01:22,100
Because practically no one has the right: women, farmers,

8
00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:26,500
chimpanzees, madmen, Lord...

9
00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:32,340
- That's not true, Lord Nelson has one vote.
- He has a ship, Baldrick.

10
00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:37,300
A wonderful thing, democracy. Let's take Manchester:
population, 60 thousand; entitled parties, 3.

11
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:44,340
Well, I can have a brain as big as a coin too, 
but it doesn't seem right to me.

12
00:01:44,540 --> 00:01:48,740
Of course that's not right, and that's a good thing.
Let's vote for people like Baldrick

13
00:01:48,940 --> 00:01:53,620
and we return to the time of the druids,
to stoning to manure for dinner.

14
00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:56,660
I'm eating manure for dinner tonight.

15
00:01:56,860 --> 00:02:01,700
- Who is elected now?
- The same rabble.

16
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:06,340
Fat Tory landlords becoming MPs
when they reach a certain weight,

17
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:12,140
crazy revolutionaries who think they have the right to get paid
because they do a day's work.

18
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:15,380
In practice it's a big mess.
Rich at the top, poor at the bottom,

19
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:18,580
and people like me in the middle who get rich thanks to it
to both of them.

20
00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:22,740
You'd better watch out, Mr Blackadder,
things are about to change.

21
00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:25,380
Not while Pitt senior is Prime Minister.

22
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:28,980
It's as efficient as a cat flap 
in an elephant's house.

23
00:02:30,740 --> 00:02:35,380
As long as his feet are warm, and he has a nice cup of tea 
before the morning nap,

24
00:02:35,580 --> 00:02:39,540
It won't bother anyone
until his vessel must be emptied.

25
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,260
(MR SPEAKER):
Honorable Members of the House of Commons,

26
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:46,660
He gives the floor to the Prime Minister of Great Britain
and of his Empire: Mr William Pitt, the younger.

27
00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:51,940
Mr Speaker, Members,
it will be short,

28
00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:58,660
since I became Prime Minister
in the middle of my exams.

29
00:02:58,860 --> 00:03:04,420
I intend to do my duty
so that my nanny will be proud of me.

30
00:03:04,620 --> 00:03:09,220
He will introduce laws to
destroy three enemies of the State.

31
00:03:09,420 --> 00:03:13,300
The first is a ruthless dictator,
Napoleon Bonaparte.

32
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,620
Yes, yes!

33
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:21,860
The second is my geography teacher,
Banana-breath Scrigshanks.

34
00:03:22,060 --> 00:03:27,060
But more than anyone, gentlemen, I intend to counter
to that lout the Prince of Wales.

35
00:03:27,260 --> 00:03:28,900
Yes, yes!

36
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:33,780
Because, only this year,
spent £15,000 on lunches...

37
00:03:33,980 --> 00:03:36,180
Boo! Boo! Boo!

38
00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:38,660
..20,000 in perfumes...

39
00:03:38,860 --> 00:03:40,660
Boo!

40
00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:47,140
...and, most surprisingly,
£59,000 in socks!

41
00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:53,540
Therefore, my priorities are:

42
00:03:53,740 --> 00:03:57,060
First, war against France;

43
00:03:57,260 --> 00:04:01,380
Second, stricter laws for geography teachers;

44
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:05,380
and third,
a nice royal kick in the ass to the Prince!

45
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,220
Hurray!

46
00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:12,100
Now I leave it to the leader of the Opposition
to test my Latin.

47
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:18,860
Lord, if you allow me,
a serious crisis afflicts your business.

48
00:04:19,100 --> 00:04:23,020
- Yes, I know, I've been thinking about it all morning.
- Really, Lord?

49
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:26,260
Yes - socks! Short again!

50
00:04:26,460 --> 00:04:30,460
How come no matter how many socks you buy, 
I can never find a pair?

51
00:04:30,620 --> 00:04:33,540
Sir, with your permission,
There is another much more serious problem.

52
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:36,340
They disappear!

53
00:04:36,540 --> 00:04:40,740
It makes me think that someone comes here, steals them
and then resells them!

54
00:04:45,340 --> 00:04:49,060
Impossible, sir.
Only you and I have access to socks.

55
00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:51,460
Yes, yes, you're right.

56
00:04:51,660 --> 00:04:56,580
For me, stockings are like sex: I have so many, 
but every time I feel like I don't have any.

57
00:04:56,780 --> 00:05:02,020
If I may return to the more pressing problem,
I read some disconcerting news in the newspaper this morning.

58
00:05:02,220 --> 00:05:05,780
Oh, no. Don't tell me another kitten trapped in a tree.

59
00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:10,860
No, Lord. There is a motion proposed by the new Parliament
which will remove you from the Expense List.

60
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:14,260
Ok, but what do they intend to do
for my socks?

61
00:05:14,460 --> 00:05:17,860
If the law is passed,
you will no longer have any socks...

62
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:24,180
..no trousers, shirts, corsets or trousers.
They will put you out of business.

63
00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:27,540
They can't do it - People love me!

64
00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:33,140
Just the other day, I was on the street
and I heard singing, "Let us praise Prince George!"

65
00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:37,220
“We hate Prince George.”

66
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:41,140
- Really?
- I'm afraid so, Sir. However, all is not lost.

67
00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:44,100
Fortunately, the numbers in parliament
they are even.

68
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:47,220
If we can bring a deputy to your side,
you are safe.

69
00:05:47,420 --> 00:05:50,020
Hurray! Any ideas?

70
00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:53,620
Well, yes, sir. There is a man who
it could be your ace in the hole.

71
00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:58,180
A rather vulgar ace
and irritable called Sir Talbot Buxomly.

72
00:05:58,380 --> 00:05:59,940
Never heard of it.

73
00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:04,900
It doesn't surprise me, Lord. Sir Talbot �
one of the most absentee deputies.

74
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:09,460
The only time he went to the Chamber, 
he pissed in the Great Hall,

75
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,580
and then he fainted as he spoke.

76
00:06:12,780 --> 00:06:16,260
If we can bring him to our side,
we are safe.

77
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:22,180
According to 'Who's Who', his interests are
whipping the servants and shooting the poor,

78
00:06:22,380 --> 00:06:26,580
and the extension of slavery to whom
he is not a baronet.

79
00:06:26,780 --> 00:06:29,780
Optimal!
Sensitive policies for a better country!

80
00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:35,540
However, if we can convince him,
he will want a reward.

81
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:38,900
- Suggestions?
- You could elect him as a Supreme Court judge.

82
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:43,700
- Is he qualified?
- He is violent, bigoted and a reckless old man.

83
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:47,380
A bit too many qualifications...
Bring him here right now!

84
00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:52,340
Of course, Lord. I'll be back before you know it
"antidisestablishmentarianism".

85
00:06:52,540 --> 00:06:57,300
Well, I wouldn't be so sure!
Antidistibblincemin...

86
00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,380
Antimystilinstid...

87
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:04,260
Antidistinctly-minty-monetarism..

88
00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:07,220
Your Highness, Sir Talbot Buxomly, MP.

89
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:11,300
Ah, Buxomly! It's truly wonderful to have you here.
How are you?

90
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:17,140
Very good, Your Highness. I stuffed myself
with a servant before coming to town.

91
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:20,660
- Do you eat servants?
- No, Lord, I eat above them.

92
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:24,980
Why spend on tables, 
When I have someone just sitting there doing nothing?

93
00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:28,500
Indeed, why! Now, you may have heard the
Mr Pitt's intentions.

94
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,020
That young rascal!

95
00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:33,380
- So don't approve of his intentions.
- Of course not, sir.

96
00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:37,620
Damn his eyes! Damn his suspenders!
Damn his duck pond!

97
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,060
Hooray for this!

98
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:44,500
I don't give a damn who you are
the son of a crazy sauerkraut eater!

99
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:47,620
I don't care what you dress like 
a crazy parrot.

100
00:07:47,820 --> 00:07:53,300
and you talk like a bowl of beans
trying to get out of a cow's digestive system.

101
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,860
It doesn't concern me if

102
00:07:56,060 --> 00:08:01,300
there are lemon peels floating in the Thames 
who would be better Regents than you.

103
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:05,460
But the fact is that you are Regent, 
chosen by God,

104
00:08:05,660 --> 00:08:09,060
and I will always be with you,
even if the illness devastates me

105
00:08:09,260 --> 00:08:12,980
and the disease will haunt me
at every moment.

106
00:08:13,180 --> 00:08:16,900
Well, good for you, sir.
And don't talk to me about illnesses!

107
00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:21,700
For, Lord, you are the stronger part 
which is the backbone of England.

108
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:27,140
You have the physique of a demigod.
With rosy cheeks, strong knuckles,

109
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:33,220
the perfectly shaped hips and pants
which reveal a body in perfect order.

110
00:08:33,420 --> 00:08:35,220
Sir, he's dead.

111
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:37,540
Died?

112
00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:41,820
- Yes, Your Highness.
- How unfortunate, we were just getting along.

113
00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:44,500
- We have to move now.
- In which direction?

114
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:47,860
Sir Talbot represented
Dunny-on-the-Wold,

115
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:51,300
and, by a lucky coincidence, 
also an old constituency.

116
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:54,340
Really? Truly?

117
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:58,420
Well, good! We are lucky.

118
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:02,820
Lucky, lucky, lucky-lucky...
Nella, she!

119
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:07,220
In the! In the! In the! Good luck! Good luck! Good luck!
In the! In the! In the!

120
00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:16,820
You don't know what an electoral college is, 
right, Lord?


121
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,260
No.

122
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:21,620
So what was the imitation chicken referring to?

123
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:26,020
I just didn't want to hurt your feelings.
So, what is an old military device?

124
00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:31,380
Constituency. An old constituency, sir, 
It is a region where the owner of the land

125
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:34,900
he obtains the votes by bribing both the deputies and the inhabitants.

126
00:09:35,060 --> 00:09:39,060
- Okay, is it a military device?
- Can we not talk about it for now?

127
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:42,420
Dunny-on-the-Wold
It's a cheap place.

128
00:09:42,620 --> 00:09:46,940
Half an acre of water meadows
in Suffolk with an empty town hall in the middle.

129
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:52,740
Population: three battered cows, a dachshund called Colin,

130
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:56,740
and a hen in her forties.

131
00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:02,260
So, there are no people?
Except Colin.

132
00:10:02,460 --> 00:10:05,540
- Colin is a dog, sir.
- Of course, of course, of course.

133
00:10:05,780 --> 00:10:08,900
Only one person lives there,
and he is a voter.

134
00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:12,420
- So, what's the plan?
- We must buy Dunny-on-the-Wold at once,

135
00:10:12,620 --> 00:10:16,660
and thus control the voter.
He will need a thousand pounds.

136
00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:21,300
A thousand pounds? I thought it was a place
two cents.

137
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:25,700
Of course, sir, land costs two cents, but
There are other factors to consider:

138
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:29,060
Editorial tax, window tax,

139
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:34,940
wetland insurance, food for the chickens, biscuits for the dog,
ointment for cows - the expenses are endless.

140
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:38,740
- Well, the money is on my desk.
- No, sir, it's in my wallet.

141
00:10:38,940 --> 00:10:41,940
Oh, splendid! 
No time to waste, eh?

142
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:45,860
Exactly what I think.
The only question is: who to choose as a representative in parliament.

143
00:10:46,060 --> 00:10:48,820
- Difficult.
- We need a complete stranger,

144
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:54,940
but someone over whom we have complete control.
A man with no ideas of his own.

145
00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:59,620
One might say 
brainless.

146
00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:02,660
- Any ideas?
- Yes. Your Highness.

147
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:11,220
- Did you ring, sir?
- Meet the new MP for Dunny-on-the-Wold.

148
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,140
But he's a total idiot!

149
00:11:15,340 --> 00:11:20,500
Exactly, sir. Our slogan will be:
"An old candidate for an old college."

150
00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:26,820
Baldrick, I want you to go to the dining room
and prepare to govern.

151
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:33,700
Well. Now all we have to do
 � fill out the form for deputy.

152
00:11:33,900 --> 00:11:36,260
Surname: Baldrick.

153
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:39,460
- Name?
- I'm not sure.

154
00:11:39,660 --> 00:11:43,380
- You must know...
- Well, it could also be "Go to hell".

155
00:11:46,220 --> 00:11:47,300
What?

156
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:52,420
When I played in the sewers, I said
to the others: "Hi, my name is Baldrick,"

157
00:11:52,620 --> 00:11:56,260
and the others said:
"Yes, we know. Go to hell, Baldrick."

158
00:11:56,460 --> 00:12:00,580
OK... "Mr. V. Baldrick."

159
00:12:00,780 --> 00:12:06,820
- Now, any particular signs? Nobody.
- I have this growth in the middle of my face.

160
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:12,980
It's the nose, Baldrick.
Signs of insanity in the family?

161
00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:18,660
Do you know what I'm telling you? I remove "in-".
Signs of health in the family?

162
00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:21,700
"Of no kind"

163
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,500
- Now, the criminal record...
- Absolutely clean.

164
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:28,260
Come on, Baldrick, you'll be a deputy, 
damn!

165
00:12:28,460 --> 00:12:32,580
I will only put "scam and sexual perversions".

166
00:12:32,780 --> 00:12:36,500
Now, minimum level of bribes...

167
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,660
A turnip.

168
00:12:38,860 --> 00:12:42,660
Let's go slowly,
I don't want to put myself out of business.

169
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:48,260
Baldrick, you have some ambition in life
other than buying turnips?

170
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:49,620
No.

171
00:12:49,820 --> 00:12:52,980
What would you do if
I gave you £1000?

172
00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:56,180
I would buy a small turnip all for myself.

173
00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:59,220
What would you do if
I gave you a million pounds??

174
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:02,900
The discussion is different.
In that case I would get a big turnip in the country.

175
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:06,820

Oh God, I'll go. Sign here.

176
00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:17,380
Your Highness, Pitt the Younger.

177
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:22,180
Oh good morning, young man!
Here, let's have some fun.

178
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:26,500
I've got a brand new sixpence for the young man
smart guy who can tell me which hand it is in.

179
00:13:28,700 --> 00:13:32,020
Oh, school, school! It's half a holiday, right?

180
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:37,380
I bet you can't wait to get back there to pick up the bat again
and hit balls with great force.

181
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:40,820
Mr Pitt is the Prime Minister, sir.

182
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:44,260
Oh, come on! Really? What, this little booger here?

183
00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:48,740
- Better to have a runny nose than a runny brain.
- Huh?

184
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:55,540
Prime Minister, we have some great desserts 
in the kitchen. I don't know if you are interested.

185
00:13:55,740 --> 00:13:59,460
Don't treat me like a child,
vulgar petty bourgeois!

186
00:13:59,660 --> 00:14:01,860
What flavor are they?

187
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,780
- Currants.
- Eeeuughhh!

188
00:14:03,980 --> 00:14:07,780
 Blackadder, are you sure it's the Prime Minister?
It seems more like a dirty tick to me.

189
00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:13,060
We usually lined up four or five like him,
we made them bend forward and used them as bottle racks.

190
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:16,660
I'm not surprised, sir. I know people like you.

191
00:14:18,060 --> 00:14:23,380
Once upon a time, I was the one standing alone in the big, cold classrooms, 
with a scone that made me feel ashamed.

192
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:30,180
Since then, I have been busy every hour
that God grants us, working to become Prime Minister

193
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:32,900
and fight indolence and privilege wherever you find them.

194
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,940
I believe you are not there
went to a lot of trouble to get rid of the scone

195
00:14:37,580 --> 00:14:41,780
You will regret it, sir. Believe you can
ruin my plans to sink the Prince

196
00:14:41,980 --> 00:14:46,180
accommodating the elections at the Dunny-on-the-Wold,
but you will be swept away!

197
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:50,260
I plan to have my brother run
against you.

198
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:55,380
And what Pitt would that be? Pitt the Newborn?

199
00:14:55,580 --> 00:14:58,580
Pitt the Embryo?

200
00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:01,220
Pitt the Twinkle in the Milkman's Eye?

201
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:03,380
Ha!

202
00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:07,940
Gentlemen, as I told Chancellor Metternich
at the Strasbourg Congress:

203
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:12,660
"Puha! And more puha!"
We will meet during the election campaign, gentlemen.

204
00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:17,300
I say, Blackadder, what a dreadful scoundrel!
He's not going to win, is he?

205
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:21,780
No, sir, because, first of all, we will campaign
on ideas and not on personalities.

206
00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:25,700
Second, we will be the only one
news.

207
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:28,980
And third, of course, we will cheat.

208
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:34,820
Good evening and welcome to the elections of 
Dunny-on-the-Wold.

209
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:41,060
This round was excellent. In fact, 
the voter showed up before breakfast.

210
00:15:41,260 --> 00:15:44,820
And I can give you exclusively
the Exit Polls

211
00:15:45,020 --> 00:15:48,900
which cover 100% of voters...

212
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:52,900
.."mind your own business, you nosy bastard."

213
00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:56,100
Mr Hanna, are you going to talk
to any of the candidates?

214
00:15:56,300 --> 00:16:02,100
Sure, and I see Prince George,
who is the leader of the Party of Vipers.

215
00:16:02,300 --> 00:16:09,380
Prince George, described by his party newspaper
as a "great moral and spiritual leader,"

216
00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:12,580
but described by all as a
 "fat, farting bastard."

217
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,740
- Prince George, hello.
- Good evening.

218
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:21,780
And good evening, Colin. How do you believe that
will your campaign go?

219
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:26,740
Well, first of all, I would like to say a word
on the circumstances of this election.

220
00:16:26,940 --> 00:16:30,980
We paid for this seat, and I think it's damn good
right to fight to get it.

221
00:16:31,180 --> 00:16:36,260
And how come, no matter how many socks one buys,
but you never seem to have enough?

222
00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:38,260
Fighting words from the Prince Regent.

223
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:43,220
And now let's hear from the candidate
of the Viper Party, Mr. V. Baldrick,

224
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:49,220
Who so far has not commented
his electoral program,

225
00:16:49,420 --> 00:16:53,380
and with him is his advisor,
Mr E. Blackadder.

226
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:58,020
Well, we in the Viper Party want to
an electoral campaign based on ideas and not on personalities.

227
00:16:58,220 --> 00:17:02,740
- And why?
- Our candidate has no personality.

228
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:07,620
- But it doesn't even tell us much about ideas.
- No, he has some throat problems.

229
00:17:07,820 --> 00:17:10,900
Well but maybe it could answer a question.
What does the "V" in his name stand for?

230
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:15,580
- "Go to hell".
- That's right, it's none of my business.

231
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:21,060
And now it's time for results, 
and the tension is high here.

232
00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:25,700
Mr Blackadder assures me he will be there
the first honest electoral result in an old constituency.

233
00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:30,100
And we all hope that indeed
the result reflects the needs of this college.

234
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:34,900
And behind me I can see the Election Officer
which is brought to the center of the stage.

235
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:39,140
As an Electoral Officer 
of Dunny-on-the-Wold...

236
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:42,260
The Electoral Officer,
Mr E. Blackadder, of course.

237
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:45,540
We are all truly grateful to him
who replaced the other officer at the last minute,

238
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:51,220
seeing as the previous Officer stabbed himself
in his stomach while shaving.

239
00:17:51,420 --> 00:17:57,700
Now I announce the election results: 
to Brigadier General, Horace Bolsom...

240
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:01,780
(HANNA): Let's Keep-the-Royalty-White
Insured Rubbish Party

241
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,700
No votes.

242
00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:10,100
Ivor "Don't make any gestures ma'am" Biggun...

243
00:18:10,300 --> 00:18:14,460
(HANNA): The Dressed Bottom Party 
in a Stupid Way and with an Idiot Look...

244
00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:16,260
Zero votes.

245
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:26,100
- Pitt, the youngest...
- (HANNA): Whig...

246
00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:29,780
- No vote.
- (HANNA): Oh, this is a shock.

247
00:18:31,260 --> 00:18:33,860
- Mr. V. Baldrick...
-(HANNA): Of the Viper Party...

248
00:18:34,060 --> 00:18:37,460
16,472.

249
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:46,500
And here we are finally: victory for the Viper Party,
a sensational defeat for the Whigs.

250
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:51,220
I'm trying to get a statement, come on
candidates as soon as they step off the stage.

251
00:18:51,420 --> 00:18:54,580
William Pitt the Younger,
are you disappointed?

252
00:18:54,780 --> 00:18:59,940
Yes, I'm disgusted! I disgraced my opponent,
paid for the press,

253
00:19:00,060 --> 00:19:02,340
and threatened the electorate in case of defeat.

254
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:05,220
I can't understand
what more should an honest politician do.

255
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:08,260
Ivor Biggun, no vote for

256
00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:11,100
The Dressed Bottom Party 
in a Stupid Way and with an Idiot Look.

257
00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:13,700
- Are you disappointed?
- No, not really...

258
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:16,660
I always say,
"If you can't laugh, what else can you do?"

259
00:19:19,060 --> 00:19:22,460
Dealing with politics, perhaps.
Does your party have a program?

260
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:27,700
Oh yes, of course! We are to serve
compulsively eating asparagus for lunch,

261
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,220
for free sachets under 5 years,
and for the abolition of slavery.

262
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,820
Many moderates
they certainly appreciate your position on asparagus,

263
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:38,260
but what about this extremist contradiction
of the abolition of slavery?

264
00:19:38,460 --> 00:19:42,260
Oh, well, we put it there as a joke!
See you next year!

265
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:48,260
And now, finally, the man who is at the center of
mystery of this vote:

266
00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:54,460
the voter himself.
And his name is Mr E. Bla...

267
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,140
Mr Blackadder, you are the only voter
in this old college.

268
00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:01,540
Yes, right.

269
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:05,540
- How long have you lived in this jurisdiction?
- Since Wednesday morning.

270
00:20:05,740 --> 00:20:08,740
I took the old voter's place
when he, unfortunately,

271
00:20:08,940 --> 00:20:13,140
he blew his head off
while she was combing her hair.

272
00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:18,340
One voter, 16,472 votes...

273
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:21,220
- A slight anomaly?
- Not really, Mr. Hanna.

274
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:27,060
You see, Baldrick may even look like a monkey
put in a dress and shaved for the occasion,

275
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:28,940
but he is a brilliant politician.

276
00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:34,220
The number of votes I gave
It says how much I believe in his program.

277
00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:39,380
Well, great. It's all for me -
another great day for democracy in this country.

278
00:20:39,540 --> 00:20:45,060
Vincent Hanna, Dung Journal, Dunny-on-the-Wold.

279
00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:49,220
We are relieved. It is the triumph of
idiocy over common sense.

280
00:20:49,420 --> 00:20:53,540
- Thank you very much.
- As a reward, Baldrick, take a short vacation.

281
00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:56,500
Did you like it? Well.

282
00:20:57,780 --> 00:21:01,580
The members of this assembly
they say "yes" or "no",

283
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:05,540
to remove the Prince
Regent from the Civil List.

284
00:21:05,740 --> 00:21:07,380
Sorry...

285
00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:09,540
Sorry...

286
00:21:09,740 --> 00:21:10,940
Sorry!

287
00:21:11,180 --> 00:21:14,580
- Hello, friend. Are you new?
- Yes, I don't know anyone here.

288
00:21:14,780 --> 00:21:17,540
I'm for the Prince but I don't know how to vote.

289
00:21:17,740 --> 00:21:21,540
We can change everything, right?
Come with me.

290
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:23,340
Oh, thanks.

291
00:21:27,580 --> 00:21:32,100
Well, well, well,
if this is not Lord Latrina.

292
00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:35,060
Bring out a scone, and take a seat.

293
00:21:35,260 --> 00:21:39,860
- You don't like me, do you Mr Blackadder?
- Well, nobody likes a loser.

294
00:21:40,060 --> 00:21:43,860
- Then no one likes you.
- How?

295
00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:47,700
You lost.
Your little monkey kindly voted for us.

296
00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:49,940
Oh God, no.

297
00:21:50,180 --> 00:21:55,300
If you want to do something right,
kill Baldrick before starting.

298
00:21:55,500 --> 00:22:00,020
You have been defeated, Oik! You and your disgusting master
you have 24 hours to leave.

299
00:22:00,220 --> 00:22:03,700
24 is a lot in politics.
Good morning.

300
00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:07,220
There is one more thing.

301
00:22:09,180 --> 00:22:13,380
I have this soft fuzz
on the chest, is this normal?

302
00:22:13,580 --> 00:22:16,660
Also, I feel alone and confused.

303
00:22:16,860 --> 00:22:20,020
I even wrote a poem about it,
maybe you will understand me.

304
00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:24,980
- "Why do beautiful girls hate me? Because..."
- Get out! Nauseous boy!

305
00:22:25,180 --> 00:22:26,580
Get lost!

306
00:22:33,660 --> 00:22:38,580
How could I be so stupid?
Goodbye, billionaire travel.

307
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:46,260
Welcome to room 12 at Budley Salterton Retirement Home
for those who are short of liquid!

308
00:22:46,460 --> 00:22:49,780
And to think what you dreamed of
end up in the House of Lords.

309
00:22:49,980 --> 00:22:52,180
- What?
- The House of Lords.

310
00:22:52,380 --> 00:22:56,500
I forgot the House of Lords!
The Lords will not pass this bill.

311
00:22:56,700 --> 00:23:00,500
Everyone will be on the Prince's side.

312
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:02,980
- Well, take Baldrick off the spit.
- Hurray...

313
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:09,620
I have a plan as cunning as you can
put a tail on him and call him a weasel.

314
00:23:11,900 --> 00:23:13,300
Da-daa!

315
00:23:15,420 --> 00:23:17,620
Hey, cheers, Blackadder!

316
00:23:17,820 --> 00:23:21,620
You are as happy as he thinks
that a cat did its business on his cake,

317
00:23:21,820 --> 00:23:24,900
but then it turns out it's an extra penalty.

318
00:23:26,700 --> 00:23:29,940
- Did our plan work?
- Wonderfully, sir.

319
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:32,660
Order a thousand cotton socks.

320
00:23:32,860 --> 00:23:35,460
Pack your bags for that
Brighton beach hut.

321
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:39,300
- Hurray!
- There is however a small...

322
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:42,180

..awkwardness.

323
00:23:42,380 --> 00:23:45,140
Cough, you mean.

324
00:23:46,140 --> 00:23:49,380
No, sir, awkward.

325
00:23:49,580 --> 00:23:53,540
The bill
It has now passed to the House of Lords.

326
00:23:53,740 --> 00:23:57,940
Bravo! Well, don't worry, then.
Everyone will be on my side.

327
00:23:58,140 --> 00:24:01,780
Ah, I wish it were so, Your Highness.
These are evil times.

328
00:24:01,980 --> 00:24:03,380
- Really?
- Yes.

329
00:24:03,580 --> 00:24:08,100
It would be appropriate to appoint a new Lord,
to make sure the Lords vote the right way.

330
00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:11,620
Optimal. A new Lord...

331
00:24:11,820 --> 00:24:16,420
- No idea?
- Well, sir, I have a name in mind.

332
00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:19,940
- Really?
- Yes, sir.

333
00:24:20,140 --> 00:24:22,820
Can't you get it out of your head?

334
00:24:23,020 --> 00:24:26,260
A young man at your service, sir,
who did a great job

335
00:24:26,460 --> 00:24:30,500
opposing the machinations
of the diabolical Pitt.

336
00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:36,820
Oh, of course! Blackadder, oh,
how can I thank you?

337
00:24:37,020 --> 00:24:39,540
It would also be appropriate to anoint some Lord,

338
00:24:39,740 --> 00:24:42,660
just to make sure
vote according to conscience.

339
00:24:42,860 --> 00:24:47,060
- How many should we anoint?
- Oh, to be sure, three hundred I think,

340
00:24:47,260 --> 00:24:50,020
a thousand pounds each.

341
00:24:50,220 --> 00:24:54,580
- Three hundred thousand pounds?
- Four hundred, sir.

342
00:24:56,860 --> 00:25:01,380
Yes, you're right. Well, thank God
I have you to advise me, Bladder.

343
00:25:01,580 --> 00:25:04,740
Remind me, what I have to do for
designate that Lord?

344
00:25:04,940 --> 00:25:10,740
Oh, it's simple, sir. Wear yours
State dress, he wears his,

345
00:25:10,940 --> 00:25:15,380
then sign the Document of Ennoblement
and send it to the House of Lords at once.

346
00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:20,500
- Excellent! I'll change right away.
- And so do I, sir.

347
00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:28,980
Voil�, Mrs Miggins. My state dress.
A thousand pounds well spent, I think.

348
00:25:29,180 --> 00:25:32,820
Oh, very cute!

349
00:25:33,020 --> 00:25:36,020
Oh, it's a real cat?

350
00:25:36,220 --> 00:25:40,180
It's not a cat, Mrs Miggins.
This is a very valuable ermine

351
00:25:40,380 --> 00:25:42,660
with gold medallions.

352
00:25:42,860 --> 00:25:45,700
Oh, yes, Mr Blackadder, it's cat.

353
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:49,540
Oh, look, they left us on 
also the collars.

354
00:25:51,100 --> 00:25:57,620
"Frisky. If I get lost, take me to Emma
Hamilton, Marine Parade, Portsmouth."

355
00:25:57,820 --> 00:26:02,420
Oh, God! Ah, well, who cares about a dead cat, 
now that I'm a peaceful cat.

356
00:26:02,620 --> 00:26:07,780
- You are full of yourself today, Mr B!
- Which is more than can be said for Frisky.

357
00:26:09,420 --> 00:26:11,300
Gentleman.

358
00:26:11,500 --> 00:26:14,660
- Gentlemen.
- Excuse me, sir?

359
00:26:14,860 --> 00:26:18,580
Gentlemen.
There is more than one Lord in these parts.

360
00:26:18,780 --> 00:26:20,180
Well, yes...

361
00:26:20,380 --> 00:26:23,780
Please welcome His Grace,
Lord Baldrick!

362
00:26:32,060 --> 00:26:37,700
Have you made Baldrick a Lord?

363
00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:40,740
Well, yes.
"One who did a great job,

364
00:26:40,940 --> 00:26:44,900
opposing the machinations
of the diabolical Pitt." Old Lord Baldrick.

365
00:26:45,100 --> 00:26:48,740
It's all right, Blackadder,
you don't have to bow.

366
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:53,540
- Can I let out a violent exclamation?
- Of course.

367
00:26:53,740 --> 00:26:56,500
Fuck! Thank you, sir.

368
00:26:56,700 --> 00:26:59,860
I have to say it's a strange outfit
yours, right Blackadder?

369
00:27:00,060 --> 00:27:03,300
Yes, I was about to go to a costume party.

370
00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:06,260
I dressed up as Lady Hamilton's cat.

371
00:27:11,340 --> 00:27:16,420
I just have one question, sir, about
four hundred thousand pounds for the Lords.

372
00:27:16,620 --> 00:27:19,540
Ah, yes, I gave them to Lord Baldrick.

373
00:27:21,180 --> 00:27:24,340
Sir, I can accompany
Lord Baldrick below

374
00:27:24,540 --> 00:27:27,460
to be able to educate him
about what to do with the Lords?

375
00:27:27,660 --> 00:27:29,620
I think it's a great idea.

376
00:27:29,820 --> 00:27:32,740
This way, Lord.

377
00:27:38,220 --> 00:27:41,220
Give me the damn money, Baldrick,
or you are a dead man!

378
00:27:41,420 --> 00:27:43,860
"Give me the damn money, Baldrick,
or you are a dead man, Lord."

379
00:27:45,420 --> 00:27:49,060
Just do it, Baldrick!
Otherwise, it will make you even more noble

380
00:27:49,260 --> 00:27:52,820
rather awkwardly
with this cleaver.

381
00:27:53,020 --> 00:27:54,980
- I don't have the money.
- What?

382
00:27:55,180 --> 00:27:58,100
- I spent it.
- Spent?

383
00:27:58,300 --> 00:28:03,140
What you could have spent it on
£400,000?

384
00:28:06,220 --> 00:28:08,420
Oh, no...

385
00:28:08,620 --> 00:28:11,140
Oh, God, don't tell me.

386
00:28:11,340 --> 00:28:13,860
My dream turnip.

387
00:28:14,060 --> 00:28:19,540
Baldrick, how did you find it
a £400,000 turnip?

388
00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:22,100
Well, I had to harp on the price.

389
00:28:25,100 --> 00:28:28,740
It's the worst moment of my life.

390
00:28:28,940 --> 00:28:33,700
I spent my last penny on a cat jacket,

391
00:28:33,900 --> 00:28:36,420
and I just broke a very expensive turnip.

392
00:28:38,060 --> 00:28:44,980
And soon he will be barbarically slaughtered
by a naked Tunisian sock dealer.

393
00:28:45,180 --> 00:28:47,620
And all I want to say, Baldrick, is:

394
00:28:47,820 --> 00:28:50,500
It's the last time I'll deal with politics!